Sunday, April 18, 2010


I've been a hypocrite lately. Back in one of my older posts I wrote about seizing the moment, saying how you feel, etc. But the truth is, lately I've held back. There are words on the tip of my tongue that I can't seem to let out. And if you know me, you know that's completely unlike me. I guess it all goes back to being insecure, and well..just plain scared. But eventually, I'll be brave. :)
The last two months feel like a whirlwind... things changed and then suddenly I'm sitting here wondering how I got here... it doesn't seem real. Maybe because I like where I am right now. It feels right. And part of me wonders how I let myself feel so "un-right" for so long....

I've said a million times that I think certain people come into our lives for a reason... I actually think most people do, but did you ever find someone who so completely fits? I've tried being cynical... I've tried not to get carried away; tried to hold back.. but it's like every single day I find something else in this person that just matches me so perfectly. Does that make sense?

I've been in love... I've given my heart away before & I know I hurt the last person I was with very much. I started letting him go before he even knew I was slipping away & I will always have an ache in my heart because of that... I guess all I can do is hope he understands someday. I lost one of my best friends.. and although he probably thinks I've already forgotten him, that's not the case. I've simply realized that we don't fit anymore. It sounds so cold to read that line.. and it doesn't give our relationship enough justice..because it was very special to me... but I guess in words, it's very matter-of-fact. Hearts, on the other hand, aren't so simple.

So I'm going to take a deep breath. I'm going to acknowledge my past for what it was, enjoy every moment of the present, and try not to get carried away with looking toward the future. I'm going to look up at the sky and wish with all my heart that whoever it was that brought this particular person into my life, also lets him stay in it....

And then, I'm going to finally finish my Grad school paper (due tomorrow by the way lol)

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