Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Lucky Girl

It's easy to get lost inside your own head. You can think things over repeatedly, twist them around, and drive yourself insane. In those times, the people you surround yourself with can immensely impact your life. They are the ones who have the ability to pull you out of yourself, and show you that while you're busy overthinking things, there's a whole big world you're missing out on. They remind you that there's a future just waiting for you; that if you're at your worst possible moment, it will pass. And if you're having the time of your life, hold onto it.

I am lucky enough to have an amazing few who have done this for me time and time again. As cliche as it sounds, I do believe people come into our lives for a reason. Sometimes that reason isn't clear, but I've found that it usually reveals itself. Although my faith can be easily shaken at times, I have enough proof and no trouble believing in this fact. There are the people you just know will be there forever; you don't even have to work at it.

Everyone can remember moments when a person impacted their life one way or another.

My best friend from college dragged me out of bed after my highschool boyfriend of 5 years left me. She's the girl I can be ridiculous with, and the one who can snap me out of a bad mood. We have more inside jokes than I could ever count.

My other best friend and I started out as coworkers. But almost two years, two jobs, and countless moments of 'being there' through the hard stuff, I can't imagine not having her in my life. She constantly reminds me to do what makes me happy & I love her for that.

I've been so lucky to have had some amazing friends who each, in their own way, changed my life. (& they definitely deserve more than a blog shout out)

At this present moment, I could not feel luckier. The people that I surround myself with genuinely care about me and encourage me to do what makes me happy. Sometimes you just need that extra push to make a big decision, or that reassurance that you're doing what's best. Sometimes you just need a friend to make you laugh and remind you to stop taking life so seriously.

...And then there are the rare people that come into your life so unexpectedly and somehow change it for the better. I hate to quote a teen drama, but this line from One Tree Hill really sums it up:

"Most of our lives are a series of images; they pass us by like towns on a highway. But sometimes a moment stuns us as it happens, and we know that this instant is more than a fleeting image. We know that this moment, every part of it, will live on forever."

Treasure those moments & the people who bring them to you.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Soundtracks & Scripts

Have you ever been listening to your iPod and a certain song is playing, and the people around you seem to be moving to the beat of that song? It's strange, but it happens to me all the time on the subway and always makes me smile. Music is the most powerful thing to me. A song can transform my mood -- it can make me feel something I haven't felt before. A song can bring me back to a place in time so vividly that I almost forget where I am. And then there are always those times when a song comes on and the lyrics fit so well that it almost feels like the band is singing directly to me. I've been in confusing situations, maybe driving in the car thinking about whatever is going on in my life and suddenly a song comes on -- maybe a song that is hardly ever on the radio -- and the answer is clear. I think every moment has a soundtrack, whether it's music playing during a first kiss, or the sound of the television in the background during an argument. Sometimes it's a song you hear right after an amazing day that will forever remind you of a happy time... or vice versa. In the movies, the background music always fits the situation perfectly; it's meant to enhance the emotion you feel watching the particular scene. But in real life, it doesn't always work like that... maybe a love song is playing during a fight with your boyfriend, or maybe you're making out to Metallica. But it still fits.
I like when things work out perfectly (who doesn't?!), and I love to plan things, but my favorite things in life are the unexpected; the unscripted...the things that steer you off course and lead you to something more amazing that you wouldn't have otherwise discovered. I guess that's how I feel about life in general. When it comes to falling in love, I feel the same way. Don't get me wrong, I love a good chick flick love story but when it comes to real life, forget the predictable... I don't want red roses. I don't want candlelight, or the 'perfect' song playing in the background. Because in the end, that stuff doesn't mean a thing. Bring me some gummy worms (my fave). Give me tulips or daisies for no reason; kiss me when I'm standing in the kitchen; sing Michael Jackson with me in the car -- because those are the moments that, while unscripted and improvised, are absolutely perfect.

Monday, March 29, 2010

The Face

I know I skipped the introduction part of this blog, but I feel the need to mention something very important to me, because it makes me who I am. I'm a pediatric oncology/bone marrow transplant nurse. Usually, when I tell people that I get 'the face' -- the look that says "Why on earth would you want to do that?!". Sometimes they actually say that out loud. I used to get pretty upset and frustrated by it, but now I just smile and say 'I love it' (which throws them an even bigger curve ball). And it's the truth. I do love it. Yes, it's sad at times, ok a lot of times. But the thing that it always is, is amazing. I get to meet the most incredible kids, the most loving parents; I'm there at diagnosis when their lives fall apart; I get to be there for each little victory and let down along the way; We're in it together -- and that's something that probably won't make sense to anyone who isn't familiar with the profession. It's not selfless. I get an immense amount of satisfaction when I can make one patient/family's day just a tiny bit better. I have been inspired by each and every patient I have ever taken care of. The most amazing thing about these kids is their strength. If I were dealing with their situations, I'd fall apart... but they just keep going, they keep fighting, and believe it or not, a lot of times they win. I'm not sure I believe things happen for a reason anymore -- I think I've seen too many things that simply cannot have a reason. But I do believe that these children are meant to touch the lives and hearts of everyone they meet.
I bring this up mainly because yesterday was the 1 year anniversary of the loss of a VERY special little boy. In his short life, he brought so much happiness to so many people and I am honored to have been able to take care of him, and to get to know his incredible, loving parents.
One day, I hope the word cancer doesn't exist. But until that day, I am proud to help kick it's ass. ;)

Mind Over Matter

"Follow your heart". Perhaps the most over-used, most cliche saying -- it sounds pretty inspirational -- but what does it really mean? I don't know about anyone else, but my heart never really knows where it's leading me. It's hard to keep up sometimes. And trying to overthink things never really gets me anywhere. Now my gut, that's something I can rely on. You can make anything sound good in your own head -- you can convince yourself repeatedly that something is right; maybe even fool your heart sometimes -- but your gut never lies. Think about it: Those fluttery butterflies you get when you're nervous/excited to see someone; that empty feeling in the pit of your stomach when you know something just isn't right; that calm you feel in your belly when you're finally comfortable with someone.
The truth is, you always know deep down what's right -- it's getting your mind to agree with it that's the hardest part. So much fear, so many 'what-ifs'. I guess I don't really think there are right and wrong decisions -- they're just choices that lead us down one path or another. The trick is to like the path you're on. And if you can find someone to travel that path with you, well then that's pretty awesome, too. To sum it up: "Happiness is a journey, not a destination" (Ben Sweetland)

Sunday, March 28, 2010


Every girl who has recently broken up with her boyfriend, grabs another single friend and heads straight to Midtown Manhattan. The night always starts the same -- listening to a little Lady Gaga while getting ready, picking out a cute outfit, laughing the whole cab ride/train ride into the city... and as soon as you step foot out of the cab your eyes start searching; you're looking for that one really cute guy; the one who's going to reassure you that you made the right choice in leaving couple-city... but let's face it, he just isn't there. AND if by some chance he is, you can rest assured his girlfriend isn't far behind. No, instead you'll find a bunch of too old/too young/too short/too [fill in the blank] men. I'm starting to think the Midtown bar scene was staged by a bunch of angry ex-boyfriends... because by the time you hit your second drink that sense of "ohhhh crap" hits you... 'Is this really what's out there?'... as if three bars within a one block radius hold your only choice for the future.
But the truth is, there's a whole big world out there. Stay strong, resist the drunk dialing... and enjoy your friends, because when it comes down to it, they're the ones you're going to need the next 50 times you go out and feel the exact same way... And they are the ones you're going to call when you finally run into a prospective "Mr. Wonderful".

Saturday, March 27, 2010


I've been thinking about blogging for awhile. I've always been a pretty consistent journal-keeper, but maybe it's time to catch up with the times. I'm not really into the whole introduction part.. I kind of just wanted a place to write down my thoughts about anything and everything & if for some reason people enjoy reading them, then that's just cool. I figure if I can make someone say "Heyyy that's exactly what I just went through", well then that's pretty amazing. I recently moved out of my parent's house into my very first apartment. I love it. There's just something about having your own space. I've heard so many older women tell me that their biggest regret was moving right from their parents' house into their husband's house -- they never got a chance to have something that just belonged to them. Don't get me wrong, my dad still comes over to dig out my car if it snows, and if I see a bug I'll probably pack my bags and end up back home -- so I can't sit here and preach independence -- but I definitely think it was a good choice to give myself some "me" time before I have to share someday. :)
Did I mention I'm not very good at sharing?? I guess it's the only child in me, but I'm probably not the easiest person to live with. I like things the way I like them... It's the little things. For example, I don't believe in eating an uneven number of frozen waffles (because really who wants to be the unlucky person left with just ONE in the box?!). I guess I just have a few pet peeves to get over. But for now, I don't have to. And someday, when I actually want to share with someone, maybe just maybe it won't bother me if he leaves one waffle in the box ;)

So I guess that's where the title of this blog comes from -- Fly girl, fly. My dad has always encouraged me to get out into the world and do my own thing. I grew up being taught to never doubt myself; that no dream is impossible. And I think that mentality has a lot to do with who I am and how I see the world. So my advice is this: take the time to get to know yourself, love yourself, and little by little you'll learn to fly.