It's been awhile since I last posted. Admittedly, I think i was being a little bit of a chicken. See, writing forces a lot of thoughts, a lot of emotions, a lot of truth.. and I think I was enjoying living outside of my own head for a little while. Don't get me wrong, things are pretty amazing right now. I feel lucky every single day. But I thought it might be time to clear my thoughts. So here I am.
The point of this blog is not to sit here and tell you how lucky I am. Those of you who are closer to me know that the happiness in my life does not come free from challenges. In fact, the biggest happiness in my life may prove to be the biggest challenge I've ever faced. But it brings out a strength in myself that I did not even know I had and more so, makes me admire the incredible strength in another person. And although I wish on a daily basis that I could somehow make things easier for him, deep down I know this is just one obstacle that we will face together.
It is hard for me to put into words how I feel about the person who has changed my world... the person who brightens every single day. The best way I can describe it is this: Imagine the most perfect person for you in this life.. your match. Your "other half" if you will. Your complete and utter dream come true. Well, as cheesy as it sounds that's what he is for me. It's like someone pulled him out of my head and placed him right in front of me. And I plan to hold onto him. ;)
He and I often hear that we have a "great story". People love things out of the ordinary...they love stories that make them believe. They love to find "reasons" and "meanings" behind everything. (I can't say that I haven't been guilty of this as well!) And while we do agree with how lucky we both are to have found eachother, I can't help but wish "our story" was different. I wish we had bumped into eachother on the street or at a bar... I wish we had never met the way we did, because then, perhaps, it would mean he never would have had to deal with what he's dealt with. Yes, maybe something incredibly wonderful has come out of something incredibly awful and for that we will both be grateful...but I can't help but think maybe some things are too terrible to have a reason. Did God screw up somewhere? Or maybe this is His way of fixing his mess up lol Or are things merely luck, coincidence?
Whatever the answer, I am grateful. I'm thankful for the happiness he brings to my life. I appreciate my face hurting from smiling so much. I find bravery in his strength. I find a sense of calm in his arms. I find appreciation in our days together and excitement in thinking about the future.
People face scary situations every day. Someone's life is turned upside down every minute. Life is frightening enough... but somehow I think together we'll be just fine. There's just no other way. And that's enough "meaning" for me.