Sunday, June 3, 2012

More Good Stuff

“In that book which is my memory,
On the first page of the chapter that is the day when I first met you,
Appear the words, ‘Here begins a new life’.” 
― Dante AlighieriVita Nuova

The same is true for the day I lost Jon.

Tomorrow starts a new adventure for me.  This trip to London and Paris came along at the perfect time.  My coworker (and friend) Erin was nice enough to invite me to tag along on her long-planned vacation.  She is the nurse who actually formally introduced Jon and I.  For that (and many other reasons) I will always love her.

I'm so incredibly excited.  I've wanted to travel to Europe for a long time.  And since it was pretty last minute I had to switch what felt like a million shifts at work -- but somehow it all worked out.  Maybe I'm meant to be on this trip for some reason.

 June is obviously a difficult month, and I know traveling to another country will not necessarily make it less difficult, but it will be an incredible change of scenery.  More than that, it serves as a reminder that there is more beauty in my world, and that more adventures lie ahead.

In a sense, I hate going on with my life. Some days it feels impossible.  Every morning when I open my eyes I have to reaffirm that Jon is really gone.  I do know for sure that he wants me to live... I know he'd be SO excited for me to be going on this trip, and he's probably smiling at Erin right now, so thankful she presented the opportunity.  God knows I wouldn't have done the work myself.  :)

I am slightly apprehensive.  Every change is difficult.  Every new move I make seems like a challenge, and as much as this is a vacation, it is another thing I'm doing without Jon, in this new reality that he does not exist in.  Hard to explain, but I feel like some of you will understand.

I will take him with me in my heart, but that goes without saying.  I know that on the way home I will still be wishing for him to be there waiting for me.

Whenever the two of us would get too focused on negative stuff,  Jon and I would often say, "Nothing but happy memories from now on." Or "more good stuff."  It was our way of redirecting one another (and sometimes both of us) away from harping on the bad, and recognize what we were grateful for and all the good that surrounded us. Sounds cheesy, I know.  Here's to the first of (hopefully) many adventures, with Jon's love with me every step.

Au revoir.  Cheers to more good stuff! <3

Il n'est rien de réel que le rêve et l'amour. (Nothing is real but dreams and love)

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