"I've had this dream before...about us being soulmates."
I woke up to Jonathan mumbling this Wednesday morning. We had had a terrible day on Tuesday, and as I opened my eyes Wednesday morning, I really had no idea what to expect. But, when I looked over at him, it was like a veil had been lifted. We had a pretty great day...I had my best friend back. He still got slightly confused toward the end of the night, but that was fine with me... I was nothing but grateful. I was, however, so afraid that I'd wake up Thursday and he'd be gone again. I told myself that whatever the case, in a way my prayers had been answered. I had thought to myself over and over again, "Please, God, just let me have him back."
Thursday morning, he was 100% back. My best friend, wanted to get out of bed, and wanted a milkshake...and told me he felt like he'd "been asleep" for awhile. We talked about everything that had happend in the last week and a half. He agreed with the decisions I'd made, and thanked me for not giving up on him. He spoke of the future. And even wanted to play our favorite (nerdy) computer game, Out of Order. I felt like crying every 5 minutes out of pure happiness. It was a perfect day.
Jon's doctor thinks it's too soon for the new drug to have turned all of this around, but perhaps his brain needed a rest after the radiation he received several weeks ago. Whatever the reason, we were not giving up. Jon will most likely start radiation to his back next week to help with the pain there, and allow him to move more freely. In the meantime, we will keep our fingers crossed that this new drug does its job. But even if it doesn't, we aren't even close to giving up.
I'm still fearful every second that his brain will "take a nap" again, but in my heart of hearts, I don't think it will. I've always believed when you can envision something happen, when you can actually see it -- not simply imagine it, but almost feel it happening -- then it will happen. I can see our wedding. I can feel standing next to Jon and saying our vows. I can see our future baby. And although I cannot see a road without trouble and obstacles, I can see and feel the two of us taking on the world together. I don't need a "perfect life"... having Jon by my side, regardless of what trials we face, makes it perfect. And although I cannot say with certainty exactly what path our lives will take, I know he and I have so much more to do together. No amount of time would ever be long enough, so I will cherish every moment. Keep praying...this miracle is in full swing! :)
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